So there I am one morning, minding my own as I tuck into a bowl of Crunchy Nut, when my usual, inbuilt triviality barrier is breached by an infuriating current affairs item on the telly-box. The opinionated panel on The Wright Stuff is discussing the apparently inappropriate use of the word 'gay' in schools and playgrounds. It even seems that politico-fashionista, Ed Balls, has called to have the word banned in these areas of youth enlightenment. The reason given is that some school-kid beat up another whilst using 'gay' as a homophobic insult.

Obviously anyone of reasonable intelligence can see that the child's upbringing was to blame for the bigotry and not three letters joined together. If the bully wasn't allowed to say 'gay' anymore, would he stop queer-bashing? Of course not, he would just switch to 'faggot' or 'puff'. Now this drags up the idea that kids are using the word gay in a different sense. These days it means half-hearted, ineffectual and a bit rubbish and that must be insulting to homosexuals!

Surely it's better that it's being used in those ways and not exclusively to mean bum-boys and rug-munchers? After all, it did just mean happy before we took it over, so who cares if it mutates again, we don't have exclusive rights. Let's not compare it to the word ‘nigger’, which grew from just one meaning and found only one derogatory purpose, but even that abhorrence has been reclaimed by blacks and re-categorized. One of my black friends calls me ‘nigger’ quite often. I feel this is because he thinks of me as a brother, so I reciprocate with the terms, honky and snowflake to make him feel at ease…we chuckle at the irony.

So should we also ban 'faggot' and 'puff' because they imply all homosexuals are akin to meatballs and pastry? Oh, we could go on forever… and don't even get me started on the use of the word 'balls'.... a man with such a testicular surname should definitely know better.

Tim Walker