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Analysing the nature of male friendship has been a popular pastime throughout history. The ancient Greeks waxed philosophical about tasteful homosexuality being the highest form of love amongst Spartan buddies; the medieval code of chivalry made fighting more gentlemanly between Sir Lancelot and his pals; and Robin Hood had his merrie men. The Victorians developed the public school ethos of chums with stiff upper lips enjoying the love that dare not speak its name.
Today we have male bonding in the pub, hoodie gangs and on the football pitch. TV programmes like Men Behaving Badly; and the plethora of duo policeman dramas like Morse and Lewis offer a sanitised view of such bonding. But always there is a fine line drawn between cheerful matiness and deeper homoeroticism.
The film I Love You, Man is based on the problem faced by Peter (played by Paul Rudd) when he realises that he has no close friend to take on the role of best man at his forthcoming marriage to Zoey (played by Rashida Jones). Since the setting is California, we can expect a gentle, ironic exploration of aged hippiedom when Peter meets Sydney (Jason Segal) who is everything Peter isn’t: loud, sociable, carefree, living for the moment with his constant companion - a dog. The two men embark on a series of comic episodes, bonding over getting drunk, smoking, playing their air guitars, doing stuff and hanging loose in a very American sort of way.
However all these meetings take Peter away from Zoey. She suspects Sydney, an allegedly savvy investment broker, of being a freeloader. Peter is a nice, real-estate agent but finds it hard to close his deals until Sydney puts up some wacky posters - superimposing pictures of Peter advertising houses for sale in macho, in-your-face ways. Sydney has used a loan from Peter to pay for these. This profligate use of funds causes a rupture in the friendship. But business for Peter booms, and the wedding is celebrated. In the end, there is a crowd of groomsmen assembled - including Peter’s younger, gay brother. But in the tradition of a contemporary fairy story, Sydney rushed to the wedding on his bike and arrives, just in time, to hand the ring to Peter. Zoey has recognises his positive effect on Peter and invited him along.
The humour in this film comes from a set of stereotypical awful man-dates and Peter’s disastrous chat up lines. Sydney is that old hippy who has never quite given up on sex, drugs and rock and roll. For once, an estate agent is seen as cute and obliging. He is girlfriend-friendly and socially at easy with Zoey’s friends and every inch the new man in terms of domesticity. What is skirted around is that dividing line between homoeroticism and manly physical contact. But both Sydney and Peter do discern that a friendship should have an element of physical affection but this has to be jocular rather than seriously emotional.
One of the weaknesses in this journey towards understanding other men is that socialising is seen as a bolt - on activity after work, rather than a state of embedded empathy between two individuals. The guys are just ‘messing about’ rather connecting emotionally. The debates on male friendship reflected in ancient Greece and in the Bible between David and Jonathan still resonate today although perhaps we are more at ease with men expressing their feminine side - in this area Beckham is a iconic figure, but perhaps starting to fade.
We need to recognise that there is no formulaic way to making friends. There are a variety of contexts for men to bond - the pub, gay community, sportsfield, military theatres of war and camper contexts involving the worlds of theatre and interior design. Boys and girls are expected to have their separate nights out , so perhaps it is no big deal after all...
What makes I Love You, Man perhaps more interesting than just a satirical look at American life, is that it is an updated version of that classic ménage a trois film from art house cinema Jules et Jim. The message is that we all need good friends of whatever sex. Fag hags are a wonderful addition to the gay scene. As ever in cinema, relationships always seem to work better if you are young, good-looking, in well-paid employment and in the right location. West coast America is better than a mid-west small town, oozing homophobia. Blackpool is more welcoming than depressed industrial northern towns.
Even if you don’t ultimately want to see this film, it can be fun to go up to the cutest ticket seller at your local multiscreen and say the film’s name and wait for the reaction. Forget the philosophical and psycho-babble about the theories of male friendships - just have fun with your gang, whatever. Just one final, uncomfortable question - do we need friendship more than marriage?
Nick Tyldesley
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