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from May 2008

My better half and I had a special night out last week to celebrate the handing in of her final year dissertation. I decided to treat her to a slap up meal plus a night in a hotel as I am so proud of her achievement. On arrival, we were greeted warmly, our room was confirmed as a double without any disapproving looks from the receptionist and we were very pleased with our choice. As the hotel was a surprise for my girlfriend, I had packed a choice of outfits she might like to wear and thankfully, she was happy with them. After a little rest and recuperation, we luxuriated in a hot soapy bath using organic bathing products that we had brought with us. With music playing from our bedroom, we really pampered ourselves in preparation for our special evening. Our outfits had been chosen carefully; cool denim jeans from a little boutique in Hebden with Art shoes again from HB. My girlfriend wore a white Firetrap skinny t shirt under a black velvet suit jacket whilst I wore a vintage khaki shirt under pinstripe. All in all, I thought we looked very dapper.

Our first port of call was a new exclusive bar situated opposite the hotel which used to be the city’s GPO. With its high ceilings, spacious bar and very well-off clientele, you might be forgiven for thinking we felt out of place. Not so. We had money in our pockets and felt great. We enjoyed a glass of wine and ignored looks from other customers not used to seeing two women dressed like us. OK, we did stand out. Most of the other women there wore high heels, had long extravagant coiffures and had applied their make up with a trowel. We had flat shoes, short dos and just a touch of the war paint. Extremes apart? Perhaps.

The rest of the evening was wonderful. We enjoyed an excellent meal in an intimate, candle lit restaurant and then sauntered back to the hotel feeling fabulous.

The next morning at breakfast, our waitress - a gorgeous African woman commented on how fresh faced and pretty we both were. She also thought we looked alike… Looking around the room, apart from our waitress, we were the only women not wearing make-up. It struck us how some straight women look like completely different species to us dykes: the idea of applying make-up everyday would be a form of punishment. The rare occasion my ladylove puts on a bit of mascara, she looks absolutely stunning as it accentuates her beautiful eyes. But if she wore it everyday, it would soon become the norm: when she wasn’t wearing make-up, she might feel she looked less attractive. We’ve all seen the woman at work that’s normally caked in the stuff, arrives late one day without cack and we think she’s got a terminal illness until she re-emerges from the ladies half an hour later looking her usual foundation-filled self.

Why this disparity? I wonder if it’s to do with confidence and who we seek approval from. For me, I prefer to dress comfortably as it enhances my mood not to stuff my size 8s into a pair of stilettos or force my chunky frame into a halter-neck. I still spend a considerable amount of time on my appearance, but to the average straight girl, most of it would pass unnoticed. I feel more confident dressed in clothes that suit me, with a well scrubbed face and a sharp haircut - possibly in mindset, more like the average bloke. However I do like to spend money on good quality clothes and enjoy getting ready to go out. Don’t we all? It’s just different stuff that we concentrate on. Do some women dress in a certain way and wear lots of make up to improve their confidence - almost like wearing armour? Do they seek approval from their peers just like we do, or to attract a mate? Ask the lesbians at the disco at B@r Place, how long it took them to get ready: I bet many of them spent quite some time on their appearance and would similarly seek approval from their peers and try and look good to attract a mate. Perhaps we have different priorities but we all share a need for approval and to feel attractive. So the next time you see a women totter past all dolled up to the nines, remember, given a different set of life circumstances, that could be you!

Belinda O’Hooley