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Snow over Easter and too many April showers make us think desperately about planning a summer holiday to soak up the sun as a break from grey routine. However, deciding just where to go is always a difficult choice. Browsing through brochures is a little like viewing pornography - getting excited at images of idealised settings full of beautiful, undressed people!
The first decision is to think about whether we want to go to a gay-orientated resort - translating our local scene to a sunny climate aboard. We might want the opportunities for drinking, cruising, a paradise for lovers or a brief romance with hunky waiters. Kitsch and glitz are probably add-on qualities. We look for retail therapy to fill the day between beach, bar and sex. If this is your choice then traditional venues might include Las Vegas, Mykonos and Sitges. Crete, Ibiza and the Canaries are destinations for the younger in heart. But all of these are losing their original glamour and chicness. South Africa and Argentina are becoming more fashionable but necessitate long haul flights. South East Asia is now distinctly tacky and increasingly dangerous in terms of homophobic violence. Short-haul, long weekend breaks to European cities like Riga, Tallinn, Barcelona and - yawn, yawn - Amsterdam, Munich and Prague are popular, cheaper alternatives.
Should you be looking for Mediterranean warmth, an up-market ambience - cocktails rather than lager, quality art rather than in-your-face OTT baroque buildings - you could do worse than book a flight to the south of France. Nice is probably the best destination to visit in early summer. Everything is conveniently sited and well presented. There is a longstanding love-affair between the English and French going back to the 1920s attracting a well-heeled clientele.
But you don’t need to be millionaires to enjoy the good fish restaurants, elegant bars and the sight of luxury yachts in the marina. The casino at Monte Carlo can be reached by a very good local transport system along the Cote D’Azur. Quality modern art with the likes of Matisse and Chagall can be seen in museums up in the hills in the expensive residential area of Cimiez. Join the fag-hags and queens, plus their manicured lap dogs, in strolling along the Promenade des Anglais. The old town is warren of gentrified Italianate small squares, excellent for coffee stops. The daily flower market and weekly antiques fair are good targets for browsing. If you like camp, ecclesiastical architecture then visit the Russian Orthodox Cathedral. Nice is perfect for a non-energetic holiday- people watching, short walks, and good food. OK, so French gays are haughty poseurs but despite the very rightwing politics along the coast, you can feel relaxed provided you dress smartly and behave with queenly propriety in public.
Sometimes we might choose to go to a resort that is featured in a favourite TV programme. If so, why not consider Benidorm? This series on ITV is surprisingly witty despite featuring a mixed bag of English visitors to a cheap package hotel, interacting round the pool. Johnny Vegas has the role of stirring up all the interactions. This is quite an affectionate portrait of sunburnt chavs who don’t connect with their Hispanic surroundings. A couple of rather queeny gays are part of the stereotyping. If you are fed up with the bleakness of EastEnders and can’t stand anymore of the psychotic David in Coronation Street then Benidorm is a much more relaxing set of moving wallpaper. To be honest, there is more to this resort than cheap English bars. Genuine tapas bars that only speak Spanish can be found a few blocks back from the sea.
Another romaticised holiday destination featured in a TV play but much further away is Botswana. The Number One Ladies Detective Agency (the last film made by Anthony Minghella) gives an attractive portrayal of Africa. Forget the issues of AIDS, drought, poverty and corruption. The activities of the lead character, Precious Ramotswe in solving human problems rather than violent crimes makes for a heart warming programme. There is a worldly wise, camp gay hairdresser who adds bitchy comments on people.
Holidays can isolate travellers from brutal realities. We can argue about carbon footprints and disturbing the local environment with the demands of new tourism, but sometimes wallowing in doom and gloom is not always productive. Life should be about enjoyment. The gay scene is criticised for being too concerned with hedonism, but hey, guys, give us a break - and book that holiday soon!
Nick Tyldesley
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